Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
