You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
