If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you never un-have a 4some
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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