I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
