It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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