girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
