***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
