A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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