Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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