1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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