see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
