Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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