ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i used baking grease as lip gloss
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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