so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
