How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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