we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
