My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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