Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
