Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
that is very illegal...i love you.
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