Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
