Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
