I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
