i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just cropdusted the office
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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