its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
