I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
