Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
