Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am available for nakedness
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
