Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
