I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
