her vagina looked like bernie madoff
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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