I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
