I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
