FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
my liver is dry heaving
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
