He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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