haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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