Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
