yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
