i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
