its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
