judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
