there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
jump out the window naked night went bad
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
