i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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