Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
