a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
