Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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