you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
