on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
