it hurts more in the daytime
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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