Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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