Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
