Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
