Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
