nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And then he peed in my hair
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