Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
