k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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