my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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