sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
