You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
