you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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