Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
