I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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