How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
