I can't watch pbs sober anymore
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
