Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
