Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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