i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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