yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
