You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
