Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
