i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
